Jack at 2.5 years

Piercingly precious,

Completely irrational,

Jack: 2 and a half

Those are his two sides for sure!  What is most precious about him lately?

• His speech patterns: lots of intonation and ending sentences on a high note
• The way he now knows/shows remorse and will apologize for things and give you unprompted kisses to "make it better" (i.e. after he doesn't listen or scratches you)
• His memory - it's pretty good so don't tell him anything you don't intend to do!
• The way he says "You will be so proud of me?" when he talks about pooping, being good, being kind, etc.
• The way he says "That will be a good idea?" :)
• How he randomly reached for me one day and pulled my face in for a kiss - melt my heart!
• His voracious book appetite - we read and read and read over here.  He loves 70 page books like The Cat in the Hat, loves/loves/loves Curious George, and is slowly getting over a Cinderella fetish.
• His recognition of good/evil and the way he looks to label characters in the books he reads.  Stepsisters: not nice/Cinderella: nice, Queen: evil/Snow White: nice

And the completely irrational side?  That's an easy one to write about at this particular moment as he is crying hysterically at 3:00 because I gave him exactly what he asked for when presented with two options: bops in his bed for nap or read books, no bops.  He changed his mind over and over and after crying hysterically when I took away the bops THAT HE WILLINGLY HANDED ME, he is now crying hysterically because he has his bops but is supposed to be in his bed napping.

• I'm 100% convinced that he still NEEDS a nap, but he mostly refuses to TAKE one.  As my mom affirms, you can't MAKE a child take a nap, and do believe me I've tried.  The afternoons can be long with a grumpy, disagreeable 2 year old.
• He is 95% potty trained for #1 but will not go poopy in the potty even though he has done it before.  We are several months into this, so I'm starting to lose hope it's going to change anytime soon.  He had no accidents on a 15 hour car trip to SC, peeing in the toilet every 1 1/2-2 hrs when we'd stop, and he'll go put himself on the toilet to pee, but he will hold his poop until he has a pull-up on for school or a diaper on for bedtime.  We have very cool incentives for pooping which he'll tell you about excitedly but he'll also ask for a diaper so he can poop.  When asked why he won't poop in the potty ... "tuz I don't want to".
• On that note, that is his reason for most things "tuz I DON'T want to" or "tuz I DO want to", emphasis Jack's
• He has become increasingly attached to his pacifiers (bops).  This is not a battle I feel is worth fighting right now as he basically only has them for sleeping, the baby is about to be here, and she most likely will get to have them.  On the other hand, it's no fun going through bop separation in the morning and post nap.  Of course there are times, he happily and willingly hands them over, but the irrational, meltdowns are more common.

Here's some cuteness:


Shots from a Saturday in Jack-land

36+ weeks

36+ weeks pregnant (5/29/12)

This weekend we took a quick trip to Gulfport, MS to spend a little time as a family of 3 before the big switch to a family of 4 comes.  I am SO GLAD that we did this.  At the very least, I'll have a helpful way of remembering some of the last moments where I was primarily mother to 1 child, rather than 2.  Plus I think it's good for us to just get away in order to really all focus on each other (rather than the yard, the house, our many projects, etc.)  I'm hoping there is another beach trip in our future this summer.

It wasn't a glamorous trip, but it was perfect for Jack.  It was only a short drive, there was a fun children's museum, our hotel was across the street from the beach and had a pool, and the ocean was essentially a big tidal pool which was a great set-up for Jack to play in the water.

The downsides to the trip were that 1) Jack got sick at night but managed to perk up for more morning fun in the beach and pool and 2) we got unknown emergency warning lights in our car both on the way there and back that resulted in a 2.5 hr pit stop at the New Orleans Toyota dealership on the way home.  Jack was sick enough to be docile during this stop, but 2.5 hours for a 2.5 year old is a LITTLE long!

I'm glad we got to fully focus on Jack for one more trip.  There are definitely some things I'll miss about being a mom of one, like:

• having such simple priorities when my child is sick or needs me - everything else has been able to take a back seat when Jack has been sick (from big sicknesses to small) and I can imagine it won't be quite that simple when everything else includes an equally loved child
• no competitions for snuggle time - Jack likes to snuggle and we have spent LOTS of time curled up together/rocking together/me holding him in the last 2.5 years.  I may have just carried all 35 lbs of him all wrapped up in a towel all the way from the pool to our room (+25 lbs of baby) just bc I wanted to relish him being my baby a little longer.
• the mom/child buddy system - we are definitely best pals and have had lots of special adventures just the two of us
• how easy it is to stretch out and enjoy the various routines of the day because I only have one child that needs me at those times (Jacob has the maturity and patience, usually, to wait)

But I know we are exchanging one special set-up for another and I can't wait for me and Jack to get to know Cora together and to just add more love to our family.

Jack's Memorial Day Trip video

Week Thirty-Six Stats:

How it feels to be pregnant at 36 weeks: My back gets really stiff when I stand for more than a minute or so or when I'm sleeping.  I get a shooting pain when I move after either of those things.  I'm having more contractions this week, but they are still irregular.

My healthy pregnancy intentions for last week (how I did): 


1) Midwife appointment on Tuesday (went well - Jacob and I talked through our birth plan and I really appreciated the time our midwife Esther spent with us as well as the advice she had to give)

2) Eat healthy, go to prenatal yoga, and do Bradley exercises 4 times (There were a few chocolate croissants and some guilty pleasures on our trip, but otherwise...., yes, 3x)

3) Continue deep cleaning my house to satisfy my nesting instinct and so I can bring baby home to a dust free house! (yes!)

My healthy pregnancy intentions for this week:

1) Midwife appointment on Wednesday where I'll get an exam to see if these contractions are actually doing anything

2) Checking off lots of final things on baby to do list (washing bedding and diapers, finishing Cora's room, etc.)

3) Keep walking daily even though I'm starting to feel more tired/winded overall

4) Bradley exercises + relaxation practice

35 weeks

35 weeks pregnant - 5/21/12

Okay, now I finally feel like Cora's arrival is getting close.  I think she'll be here in about 4 weeks and when I think back 4 weeks (just as we left for our trip), I realize that is NOT that much time!

This week was pretty difficult.  After five months of being well, Jack came down with 3 different sicknesses: an ongoing cold that we think is actually a sinus infection, some type of virus that gave him ulcers, and a stomach bug.  We started the week with the first two and the bug hit on Wednesday, though it took me until Thursday to think his Wednesday upchuck wasn't just a fluke.  I had to juggle a busy week at work with a child who couldn't go to school and a husband who was out of town for a night.  Somehow, it actually all went really well and Jack and I had some very special 1:1 time this week.

I got a big surprise on Saturday when the doorbell rings and my MOM is standing outside...with my sister Kristen in the driveway!  (Both live in SC.) I feel like I'm a hard person to surprise, but the two of them + Jacob completely kept this visit from me and it was such a great surprise.  I abandoned my boring weekend plans of cleaning and we went out to lunch and then they babysat Jack while Jacob and I went out on Saturday night (combination of porch furniture shopping and dinner at Tamarind).

On Sunday we went to breakfast and then Jacob and I went to church.  When we get home, Jack and mom/sister are gone, but I assume they are at the park.  Then they pull up...with my sister Claire in the car!  Claire who lives in Jackson, WY (but happened to be in SC this week).  Double surprise for me!  Mom, Claire, and Kristen all came to go to my baby shower.

So to cap off a great weekend, I had a baby shower on Sunday afternoon.  Nash Crewes, Maya McLaughlin, Emily Steffan, and Julia Dezen: thank you for such a nice afternoon!  Cora's closet has a lot more pink in it now and Jack is temporarily adopting 4 new "friends", the giraffe, doll, elephant, and kitty cat that Cora got as gifts.  (Seriously, he calls them "his friends" and took all 4 (PINK) stuffed animals to the park with him yesterday - I may have made them ride in a plastic  bag :) )

Week Thirty-Five Stats:

How it feels to be pregnant at 35 weeks:I can't figure it out but as soon as I lay down, I am SO uncomfortable.  Every position seems to make my back seize.  During the day I feel pretty good unless I stand for a long time and then my back hurts.  I just ignore the contractions now, but still have them every day.

My healthy pregnancy intentions for last week (how I did): 

1) Be healthy!  Eat well, go to prenatal yoga, gym, and do my Bradley exercises 4 times this week. (Um, no, no, and almost - I drank a lot of (homemade) strawberry lemonade this week, ate okay, chose deep cleaning my kitchen over going to prenatal yoga, didn't make it to the gym, and did an okay job with the Bradley exercises)

2) Finish Bradley book and do at least one relaxation practice with Jacob. (yes and no)

3) Focus on being in the present even as I'm working a serious to-do list at work and for baby - I know this is a special time and I don't want to squander it focusing too much on getting ready. (Yes!  This was a surprising achievement bc this week did not go as expected with Jack sick, but the time home with him really helped me slow down and pay attention to how precious he can be - it made me look forward to the slower speed of my  maternity leave and summer in general!)

My healthy pregnancy intentions for this week:

1) Midwife appointment on Tuesday

2) Eat healthy, go to prenatal yoga, and do Bradley exercises 4 times

3) Continue deep cleaning my house to satisfy my nesting instinct and so I can bring baby home to a dust free house! 

35 week belly with Jack

35 week belly with Cora

Belly Comparisons!  I'm starting to think I'm about the same size this time with Jack

34 weeks

34 weeks pregnant - 5/13/12

In my very pregnant state with my very active 2 year old, I want to stop and give a shout out to all the mothers in the world.  It might take being a mother (or at least living with one, which btw encompasses pretty much everyone) to fully appreciate them.

I feel infinitely blessed to get to wear these shoes.  I have yet to have a day without overwhelming moments of love and gratitude for Jack.  I am now at the point in this pregnancy where I'm truly very excited to meet Cora and to get to watch her go from the point of brand new baby in my arms to inquisitive, talkative, independent child.

Just as good a Grammy as she is a Mom

It is also SUCH a DIFFICULT job.  I feel like this gets said a lot, but I wonder how much people really value this role.  Motherhood is such an awesome responsibility as you not only are entrusted with forming a human life, but also loving and molding as well as preparing that life for independence.  There is no "off duty".  Even if you are working or not with your child for whatever reason, you still are responsible for them and, hopefully, very much concerned with how they are acting/what they are learning/how they are being treated/whether they are safe/etc.

Grammy and Jack

I don't know how my mother raised 4 children.  FOUR!  I could possibly see a world where we have four kids, but I think two will be keeping me mighty busy for a while.  I want my children to have a happy childhood like I had.  There are many, many reasons why I can categorize my childhood as happy, but nearly all of those originate with my parents.  My mom exemplifies the role of motherhood and has willingly adapted to all the stages of parenting, continuing to be such a supportive, loving, and daily presence in my life now, even when I'm an "adult" and she lives 12 hours away.

So it is for these reasons and many others that our baby girl will be Cora Beth after my mom Beth Ann.  Now I hope I can be to her what my mom has been and is to me :)

Week Thirty-Four Stats:

How it feels to be pregnant at 34 weeks: Days are generally good except for my sore back; nights are uncomfortable; still have contractions every day, but I ignore them for the most part.  Have no idea how my belly will accommodate 2-3 more lbs of baby.  I have room in my upper abdomen, but I'm doubting the baby will "rise up" at this point in my pregnancy. 

My healthy pregnancy intentions for last week (how I did): 


1) Finish reading Bradley book and do Bradley exercises 4 days (Almost done and did exercises 3 days)

2)  Do Bradley relaxation exercises 2 times (1 time + prenatal yoga)

3) Midwife appointment on Tuesday (everything looks good and definitely know that Cora has her head WAY down,  is facing my left side with her little but on my right side, feet on left)

4) Try to make the return to cooking fun by coming up with 3 healthy meals (I can hardly remember - I think I bought hummus, made grilled cheese, and we grilled out 1 night; I did do a good job of eating lots of salads for lunch though)

My healthy pregnancy intentions for this week:

1) Be healthy!  Eat well, go to prenatal yoga, gym, and do my Bradley exercises 4 times this week.

2) Finish Bradley book and do at least one relaxation practice with Jacob.

3) Focus on being in the present even as I'm working a serious to-do list at work and for baby - I know this is a special time and I don't want to squander it focusing too much on getting ready.

33 weeks

33 weeks pregnant - 5/5/12

Top 5 reasons why parents should periodically go on trips without their children:

#5 - Your days won't revolve around anyone else's schedule/needs/whims but, instead, your own - how NOVEL!

How did we take advantage of this?  We went shopping, ate at nice restaurants at the time of day that appealed to us, went on walks without having to take a stroller, went on a hike, spent an entire day at a spa, read, went to a beer festival, listened to music, went Contra Dancing (!), and made impulse decisions.  It.Was.Awesome.

Me contra dancing at 32 weeks pregnant

#4 - Bedtime and waketimes can be determined by how tired you are rather than the particular sleep pattern of your child.

We got ample sleep though I would recommend also taking these trips outside of pregnancy bc a baby inside you can also determine your sleep patterns.  Cushiony, king size bed at the Hilton was comfortable enough for both Cora and I to forget our pregnant state, but double bed at our Victorian B&B was not as much a success.

#3 - You can eat leisurely at restaurants, have meaningful conversations with your partner, and if you get lonely for a child, you can just look at the tables that do have children and remember again why eating without children is so relaxing.

Jacob would have been fine with a 2 meal a day plan; Cora and I requested the full 3 meal plan and enjoyed it!


#2 - When your days aren't revolving around a little person, you can actually focus in on your partner and reconnect.  You find them cuter, nicer, funnier, and more interesting in this light :)

It's so easy to just want to hand off your child to the other parent at the end of a long day to get some much needed alone time OR to want to do things as a family, but that leaves quality time for just the two of you happening infrequently.  A few days alone with Jacob easily reminded me why we fell in love and how much he is my best friend.  

Post walk at Furman University, my alma mater

#1 - Everything wonderful about your child will still be there when you pick them up and take them home, but you'll be re-energized as a mother/father and more in sync as a couple/parenting team.

I was entirely convinced that it was healthy for us to take a trip before the big arrival of baby Cora.  Thank you to my parents for making it so easy for us to leave Jack.  He seriously had a blast and hardly missed us.  They also saved us from a sleepless night when Jack came down with a bad cold and my dad even got to run out to a 24 hour drugstore to get medicine - I'm sure they are enjoying their rest now!

Week Thirty-Three Stats:

How it feels to be pregnant at 33 weeks: My main complaint right now is that it is hard to sleep comfortably.  I'm so stiff when I wake up, especially in my back and I wake up a lot!  During the day, I'm still feeling good for the most part.  My back is definitely my main issue.  Still having about 20 contractions a day though I'm no longer counting them

My healthy pregnancy intentions for last week (how I did): 
 
 1) Finish reading Bradley book and do Bradley exercises 4 days (almost finished reading and did Bradley exercises some, but could have done more)

2) Do relaxation exercises 2 times (Does my massage count?  I went back to prenatal yoga this week and we did some relaxation there, but otherwise, still no.)

3) Finish making my plan on how to roll out first LLL meeting in June (Yes, now I need to distribute flyers and start spreading the word - June 5 at 7:00 at Zuka Baby for any locals that are interested)

4) Don't have the baby while on vacation :) (Check!)

My healthy pregnancy intentions for this week:

1) Finish reading Bradley book and do Bradley exercises 4 days

2)  Do Bradley relaxation exercises 2 times

3) Midwife appointment on Tuesday

4) Try to make the return to cooking fun by coming up with 3 healthy meals

32 weeks

 32 weeks pregnant - 4/29/12

32 weeks pregnant - from the front

I've come to the conclusion that most people don't have a good sense of what a woman looks like when she is nine months pregnant.  Even women who have had a baby seem to forget, especially if they are older.  I know this because I'm constantly being told "Any day now, right?" or being met with dropped jaws when I say I'm not due till mid-June.  (And let's be honest, I usually am vague and say "June" or lie and say "early June".)  It doesn't really bother me but when it happens over and over, I do get a little tired of it!  Though I do agree with these strangers, my belly looks huge to me too.

It has been SO NICE to be on vacation.  With my parents' help with Jack while we were at the beach, I didn't have to get up when he got up.  This allowed me to be lazy in the morning which is nice because I'm not sleeping great right now.  It was cool at the beach so it wasn't a traditional beach vacation, but Jack still got to play in the sand a lot and even ventured into what Jacob said was "freezing" water.

32 weeks pregnant - from the side

We are now on day 3 of our 5 day babymoon and so the relaxation continues.  Reading, sleeping, talking, walking, eating, being lazy/being productive, it's all easy to do when you are only on your own timetable.

Disclaimer: I have called/texted my mom no less than 15 times in the last 48 hours and this morning I almost cried because I miss Jack.  I am totally enjoying the time away but MISS my snuggly little firecracker.  He, on the other hand, is having a blast and doesn't seem to notice we are gone.

Week Thirty-Two Stats:

How it feels to be pregnant at 32 weeks: Pelvic pressure, contractions, back pain - one or more flare up making it hard to walk and then the next day, I feel totally fine.  So overall, still very manageable at this point.

My healthy pregnancy intentions for last week (how I did - it's amazing how unproductive I was this week, but that's what vacation is about, right?):


1) SLEEP! (yes though I can't seem to sleep past 6:30/7)

2) Finish reading my La Leche League Leader Handbook and plan how to roll out the new LLL of New Orleans group's first meeting in early June (started working on this)

3) Finish reading my Bradley book and do my Bradley exercises 4 days (didn't read but did do Bradley exercises some)

4) Do relaxation exercises 2 times (nope - see list below)


My healthy pregnancy intentions for this week:

1) Finish reading Bradley book and do Bradley exercises 4 days

2) Do relaxation exercises 2 times

3) Finish making my plan on how to roll out first LLL meeting in June

4) Don't have the baby while on vacation :)

31 weeks

31 weeks pregnant - 4/21/12

It still feels like baby Cora's arrival is a good ways off, but it is nice to see those weeks tick off! I feel like she's going to be a little early and my guess is in the teens of June (her due date is June 23). If I were going to bet, I'd put my money on the 17th. That is based on what I think is my true due date (probably around the 25th) + the fact that Jack was 8 days early. I'm writing this down just because I'm interested to see if she proves me totally wrong.

Did you know full term pregnancies are 38-42 weeks? That is a full school year. That is between 266-294 days. That is as long as we lived in Seattle. That is 1/3 of Jack's life. My point: that is a L-O-N-G stretch of time. Thankfully, I'm leaving on vacation! Since we all know vacations fly by, I figure I'll be 33 weeks before I know it and that's close enough to 38, for me to want time to pass slowly as I still have lots I want to get done.

You may have heard us talk about a trip to Puerto Rico. Jacob was itching to do a big trip before baby arrived, taking advantage of our ability to leave our one older child with grandparents and go somewhere a little adventurous. We looked at several countries, but Puerto Rico's flight options were the best. We booked the flights in January thinking I'd be 30-31 weeks. Then my due date moved up a week. Then I started having daily contractions. We waited until 2 weeks ago to make a decision but I don't think either of us were wanting to take the risk of being a flight away from home/Jack/work/family. So now we are going to drive to SC during Jacob's spring break and spend some time with my family at the beach. We are then leaving Jack with my parents for four nights and going to upstate SC/NC for some couple time.

I've really been looking forward to this trip and plan to enjoy every minute! Jack is going to have a blast at the beach and I want to enjoy the lazy beach days and then cram about every non-child friendly activity into our four days away (like spa visit, nice dinners, reading, sleeping, movies, music, coffee shops, impulse decisions, adult conversation, etc.)

Now we just have to survive the 14 hour car trip!

Pregnant with baby Cora - 31 weeks

Week Thirty-One Stats:

How it feels to be pregnant at 31 weeks: I'm having lots of pelvic pressure because of baby Cora's position + a sore back if I stand too long + a sore butt if I sit too long. Other than that, I feel pretty good and have been going on daily walks.

My healthy pregnancy intentions for last week (how I did):

1) Midwifery appointment on Wednesday (went well - saw new part time midwife who also commented on how low baby is {not that I'm not fully aware of this!}

2) Keep reading Bradley book and do Bradley exercises 4 days this week (did this)

3) Do one practice relaxation exercise with Jacob from Bradley book (did NOT do this and need to as I know this is something that takes practicing before it's a skill I'll be able to pull out during labor)

4) Finish up the requirements of my La Leche League Leader certification (yes! I'll start a group in June)

My healthy pregnancy intentions for this week:

1) SLEEP!

2) Finish reading my La Leche League Leader Handbook and plan how to roll out the new LLL of New Orleans group's first meeting in early June

3) Finish reading my Bradley book and do my Bradley exercises 4 days

4) Do relaxation exercises 2 times

30 weeks

30 weeks pregnant (4/15/12)

Jacob and I believe in preparing for and having as natural a childbirth as possible. Because this is our belief and our goal, I thought I'd break down why.

As it is with most young couples, there was a time when we didn't know much about birth or have any opinions. We were getting closer to wanting a baby and found ourselves watching The Business of Being Born one night when we lived in Seattle. The documentary explores the history of birth, specifically in America, and raises some very valid questions: i.e. why are our Cesarean rates so high and why has birth in our country changed so much in the last 50-100 years? The underlying premise of the documentary is that birth has become, unnecessarily and not to our advantage, overmedicalized.

When we were pregnant with Jack, this movie plus some subsequent reading on my part led us to the Bradley Method childbirth classes. The Bradley Method, also called Husband Coached Childbirth, espouses viewing pregnancy and birth as normal events (not sicknesses or illnesses to treat), the importance of good nutrition and exercise during pregnancy, and using relaxation and coaching during labor as opposed to medications for pain relief, and the primacy of the woman and the husband as the key players during a birth.

We went to 12 classes, read Natural Childbirth the Bradley Way, and entered my labor intellectually prepared for a non-medicated birth. We felt strongly that this was the best choice for us and this conviction and mindset is what I attribute to my successful natural childbirth. My labor with Jack was long (27 hours) and pretty hard the last 5 hours or so. At some point on the afternoon of December 3, 2009, I was no longer thinking clearly, but I had Jacob with me throughout to keep me focused and doing the things we learned help bring a baby along (walking, changing positions, trying to relax, etc.) We also had clearly communicated our birth plan and our desire to have a natural childbirth to the hospital/nurses and they all were supportive as well. I specifically remember my third labor nurse arriving a little after 7pm (Jack was born at 8:38pm) and I remember begging her to help me and she just kept telling me to listen to Jacob and what he was telling me to do, which in hindsight I very much appreciate her honoring our wishes.

I want to have a second natural childbirth for 3 reasons. First, I believe that birth is a normal event and that the body has an amazing process in place to bring a baby into the world. I think that once you start altering that process (with any of a long list of possible interventions), then you are actually getting in your own way and hindering the body's ability to bring out the baby in the most efficient and least painful way. Second, I think that an unmedicated birth positions both the mother and the baby to be in the best possible places to bond, start breastfeeding, and just to in general start motherhood after the birth. Lastly, I found it to be an empowering experience and something I feel really good about.

In the effort of full disclosure, let me be clear that I don't think I handled my first birth gracefully AT ALL! I repeatedly was asking to die (in all seriousness), along with begging for all kinds of help. I don't think I was particularly brave and I give a lot of credit to Jacob for making sure we didn't veer way off of our plan. My goal this time is to not fight the contractions because I think that makes them more painful (tensing up as opposed to relaxing). I also think I'll be going in with more perspective since the scariest thing last time was that I didn't know how the whole experience was going to play out and I couldn't imagine the pain ending. This time I know that labor does lead to a birth and the pain pretty much goes away instantaneously when the baby is born. I also think I've had some life experiences that will make me be braver and I hope that I will remember those during this birth.

Now I know you get THIS at the end!!

I will definitely let you know how it all turns out! In the meantime, I do highly recommend the Bradley Method courses as they really do educate you and your partner A LOT about the whole spectrum of pregnancy, birth, and early parenting!

Week Thirty Stats:

How it feels to be pregnant at 30 weeks: Feeling pretty good still - backache has not come back; have leveled off to about 20 contractions a day, so they are not too disruptive. I did feel pretty tired this week, but I also ran out of iron pills, so hopefully now that I'm back on them, I won't feel so wiped out.

My healthy pregnancy intentions for last week (how I did):

1) Do all 4 Bradley exercises three days this week (Yes!)

2) Read four chapters in Bradley book and continue reading Ina May's Guide to Childbirth (Yes!)

3) Cook 4 healthy meals for my family and don't forget to take my iron pills (More like 3 and I was out of iron for several days)

My healthy pregnancy intentions for this week:

1) Midwifery appointment on Wednesday

2) Keep reading Bradley book and do Bradley exercises 4 days this week

3) Do one practice relaxation exercise with Jacob from Bradley book

4) Finish up the requirements of my La Leche League Leader certification

29 weeks

29 weeks pregnant (4/8/12)

Happy Easter to all! This week has given me the chance to do a lot of reflecting. Jacob and I were so lucky to stumble immediately upon Rayne United Methodist Church when we moved to New Orleans almost 3 years ago. It was the first church we visited and we both really liked it.

Over the past few years we have truly loved our pastor, Callie Crawford, and both her messages from the pulpit (she's one of the few ministers who can keep my mind from wandering!!) and the way she ministers to her church family. This past year especially has really cemented Rayne as our church family.

Having attended one church in one city as a child, I know it is a special thing to grow up with this type of extended family. I love going home and visiting my church now. My parents have been part of the same Sunday School class since I was a child. Jacob and I are now part of a small Sunday School class that we helped start last fall and it has been such a blessing. We are 7 couples with similar age children so we have a lot in common and it is SO helpful to be reading and discussing the topic of grace-based parenting and exploring our own spirituality.

I also am doing a year long bible study led by our minister that has me reading scripture daily to get a broad survey of the Bible. I was initially unsure how good I'd be about this, but now I'm finding I love doing it and am also getting so much out these readings!

There are four families that I know of - some well, some not so well that are going through very challenging situations right now. They have been on my mind a lot and in my prayers and I hope they are getting the same peace I have gotten from this Easter week - that there is a world beyond this one, without pain and suffering.

As I'm reminded frequently, parenting is NOT an easy job in any sense of the word, but it is such a blessing and I hope that I will always turn to God for guidance and renewal. I also pray that I am mindful daily of the example I am setting for Jack and that I will know how to teach him about God's love for him. I am truly grateful that I have found a church family to help me with this responsibility.

Week Twenty-Nine Stats:

How it feels to be pregnant at 29 weeks: Feeling pretty good right now, although BIG (see evidence below). I could write a whole post on pregnancy dreams, but let's just say that sleep continues to be interrupted and not all that comfortable. Thanks to Jacob for calming me down after particularly disturbing dreams :) I guess this is nature's way of preparing you (and your husband) for baby nights!

Both shots at 29 weeks with Baby Cora

My healthy pregnancy intentions for last week (how I did):

1) Do all 4 Bradley exercises three days this week (did okay with this)

2) Read three more chapters in my Bradley book (yes)

3) Midwife check-up (we went to every 2 weeks which I will continue since I'm now in the 3rd trimester) (yes - things are good with the exception that my blood work showed I am anemic, so I'm now on twice daily iron supplements)

4) Cook 3-4 healthy meals for my family (yes!)

My healthy pregnancy intentions for this week:

1) Do all 4 Bradley exercises three days this week

2) Read four chapters in Bradley book and continue reading Ina May's Guide to Childbirth

3) Cook 4 healthy meals for my family and don't forget to take my iron pills

28 weeks

28 weeks pregnant (4/1/12)

Time for a little update on how things are going getting our house together/getting ready for baby! I made this to-do list in early February, so 2 months later, here's where we stand:

To-Do List Before Baby
1) Jack's Room: Buy big boy furniture and move Jack from nursery to big boy bed in his room - Jack is sleeping in a big boy bed in his room now! I still want to buy a new dresser, hang curtains, and put artwork up, which may or may not happen before baby!

Initial set-up pre-big boy bed

New set-up with big boy bed

2) Nursery: Decorate nursery to welcome new baby - I'm way ahead on this one. I knew what I wanted, so I bought bedding, moved our downstairs rug upstairs, purchased/hung 3 canvas prints of flower photos Jacob took, painted Jacob's childhood dresser green, and painted C-O-R-A letters to hang. I still need to get curtains (I'm thinking two long green panels), buy a lamp, and fill the dresser up with baby girl things :)

Initial nursery set-up when Jack was in here in crib

Nursery set-up for Baby Cora

3) Dining Room: Finish decorating - we need bar stools, at least one piece of furniture to sit on, and to hang pictures - We bought bar stools and a new rug to replace the one we moved upstairs. We still need to decide if we want furniture for our empty wall and hang pictures.

That is the wall that could use furniture/pictures, but we like the stools/rug progress!

4) Our bedroom: Find places for this pile and turn this corner into a nursing/reading/relaxing nook with a glider + ottoman


Pile is gone, but now we've got our old changing table there which we need to sell on Craigslist. I really do want to get a roomy, plush chair/ottoman but brand new these are about $1,000 and there are competing projects!

5) Porch: Clean off our porch and start using it - meaning buy some porch furniture


It's definitely cleaner! Our April project is going to be to hire someone to stain the entire porch so it will have a nice finished look. We then need to decide on furniture. If money were no object, this would be easy, but the challenge is deciding exactly how much we want to invest in our porch furniture. This is our priority project bc Jack loves being out here and I want to get some comfy furniture so that me and baby will love being out here too!

6) Backyard: Test our backyard for lead, remediate if need be, landscape, possibly put up a back fence, and make it a place that will be fun for Jack to play outside this summer.

Jacob has spent hours working in the backyard (check out before and after pictures!). He sent soil samples off for testing so we're waiting on results. He is working with a friend landscape architect to design what our outdoor spaces will look like, but plans include a chicken coop (which Jacob built), a large garden, fruit trees, and a playyard for Jack.

Before

Now

The "coop"

7) Baby Supplies: We only NEED new cloth diapers, upgraded changing table, a toilet bowl sprayer, a double stroller, and some girl clothes.

We upgraded the changing table! Nadeau had beautiful wooden changing tables and since our particle board shelf old one kept breaking, we went ahead and bought this one. It's so big and roomy - it's like the Cadillac of changing tables! We also were given a toilet bowl sprayer though it is not installed yet. My mom and I have added a few cute things to Cora's wardrobe and we've gotten 8 diapers so far (probably need closer to 25 total).

The Cadillac changing table

Week Twenty-Eight Stats:

How it feels to be pregnant at 28 weeks: Overall, I'm feeling better than last week. My backache has been coming and going throughout the week so I alternate between feeling pretty good and wincing when I move. Same for contractions: most days they've been very infrequent (like 15 across the day) whereas Wednesday and Thursday they picked up, especially during parts of the day (had about 35 total each day). I have a sense this baby is long because I feel lots of jabs simultaneously on opposite sides of my body (and I think she's head down).

My healthy pregnancy intentions for last week (how I did):

1) Start reading Natural Childbirth the Bradley Way to get a refresher on what we learned the first go-round (yes! Read chapter 1)

2) Do all 4 Bradley exercises three days this week (Yes!)

3) Get my glucose screening and my shot of Rhogam since I'm RH-negative (Yes! Will probably get results this next week)

My healthy pregnancy intentions for this week:

1) Do all 4 Bradley exercises three days this week

2) Read three more chapters in my Bradley book

3) Midwife check-up (we went to every 2 weeks which I will continue since I'm now in the 3rd trimester)

4) Cook 3-4 healthy meals for my family

A Good Anniversary to Forget - Part II

...continued

The day before his surgery (March 23, 2010), we went to the hospital for pre-op procedures. Jacob and I were taken to the Cardiac Intensive Care Unit (CICU) where Jack would recover and saw the babies there, with their many machines. It was impossible though to envision our healthy, big baby in this setting; these babies looked so small and sick. The most helpful part of this day was sitting with Jack's cardiologist and looking at Jack's heart on the ultrasound machine together. The thick muscle bands were so obvious (even for me, someone who has a hard time making sense of anything on an ultrasound) that it helped to be able to SEE the problem and know that this surgery was going to hopefully fix it.

We had to be at the hospital at 6:00 am, and Jack wasn't supposed to eat after 3:00 am. I set my alarm so that I could nurse him right before 3:00. It was a sweet moment; I was pretty calm that morning and able to just look at him and love him and feel at peace. I clearly remember putting him in our bed next to Jacob so I could go ahead and get ready and just looking at them together, sleeping sweetly. I hope I always keep that memory.

My parents and Jacob's mom were with us for a while and then went to the waiting room while we waited for it to be time for Jack to go to surgery. We met one of the two surgeons for the first time to sign some papers and go over the procedure and I think it made us both feel reassured. At around 8:00, we went down to the surgery holding area with Jack. We were both still calm. Two nurses came to get Jack from me and we managed to keep it together even as we kissed him and they took him. But then as we walked out of the holding area, panic hit and it felt so insane to have just let someone take my baby away. We pulled it together and went to sit with our parents in the waiting room. Jacob suggested we go get something to eat in the cafeteria so we headed that way. As we were walking, we passed the other surgeon, whose nurse gestured toward us as the parents of Jack. He nodded curtly and kept walking and that about did me in. My reassurance went away and I got so scared again that my baby was with people I didn't know. Jacob calmed me down and the rest of the waiting time was fairly calm/mundane.

Jack underwent open-heart surgery. This meant he was put on a heart-lung machine for the duration of the surgery. The surgeons' goal was to close his VSD with a patch and remove the muscle bands in his right ventricle. It ended up taking about 6.5 hours. There were two complications. First, Jack must have inherited my veins bc the doctors couldn't get an IV in his groin and so ended up having to go in his neck. (He had massive bruises on his inner thighs for months afterward as a result of their efforts.) Second, the surgeons thought they had finished and were about to close up, when the cardiologist did an echo (standard procedure) to examine the work. At that point, a second VSD was noticed and so the surgeons went back in to close it as well. Jack did great throughout the surgery.

It took an additional hour for him to be moved over to the CICU. We waited anxiously to see him. We had been prepped for how he would look but when Jacob and I finally were brought in, it was like being punched in the stomach. My eyes scanned the room and then all the sudden landed on my baby, but looking not AT ALL like him. Post open-heart surgery, patients are kept on a paralytic for several days to allow their bodies to heal; this means they need to be on a ventilator, so Jack was stretched out on the bed, not moving, with a machine breathing for him. He had three tubes coming from his chest draining blood from the surgery, a catheter in, and many lines going into the central IV in his neck. He also had wires in his chest in case the doctors needed to use them as a pacemaker. He was puffy from the fluids given during surgery. There were lots of machines around tracking his vitals. I clearly remember his heart rate was teetering around 200 (normal being 120-140). We have pictures of these early days but they still horrify us a little and we've never wanted to post them.

The initial shock quickly wore off and we spent the next several days just holding his hand and talking to him. We were able to sleep at the hospital so we were never far and I got to have frequent visits day and night as I was pumping breastmilk every 3 hours to keep up my supply while Jack couldn't eat. The CICU was closed for 2 hours each morning and night and we used the evening time to go home, eat dinner, and shower. By the second night, it started to feel really old seeing Jack paralyzed and hooked to so many machines; the happiness of the surgery's success was starting to wane and I just missed my baby. I didn't like being in our house without him.

Jack did excellently post-surgery and was a textbook recovery case. The doctors started to wean his paralytic 2 days post-surgery and we slowly watched him "wake up." This was a mixed bag as with consciousness came an awareness of pain and unfamiliar settings. The nurses actually tethered his wrists to his bed so he wouldn't be able to dislodge any tubes or lines. One of the hardest parts of the hospital stay was seeing him awake but still on the ventilator. He would periodically need his throat suctioned to remove secretions, which meant disconnecting the ventilator and nurses manually doing this. It was obviously stressful and scary for him not to be able to breathe and he would get agitated and start to cry. With the ventilator in he wasn't able to make any noise, so all he could do was silently shed tears which Absolutely Broke My Heart - Repeatedly. We would do our best to calm him down afterward.

Thankfully, by the next day he was able to be extubated and to just have a nasal oxygen cannula. He had to wait 24 hours before he could be fed and as the day waned, he became increasingly upset as I'm sure he was hungry. This was also pitiful to watch bc his voice was weak and he could only cry hoarsely. I also felt useless as my presence seemed to make matters worse since I was nursing him and seeing me only frustrated him as I wasn't offering food like I normally did.

Jack's first hospital bed - day 4

Once he was awake and crying, he got moved into a more secluded part of the CICU

On day 5, he was able to eat again, but only through a bottle since he still was connected to so many things. Jacob gave him pumped milk in a bottle which worked for the first feeding but then we gradually had to resort to a medicine dropper over the day because he was upset and not wanting to take the bottle.

At this point, he was also being weaned on his pain medications and I think he was just agitated in general as he had more pain and was dealing with some withdrawal. I was given the chance to hold him at one point which was momentarily wonderful as he did calm down but he had so many wires coming out of him that the process of getting him back in the bed (helped by multiple nurses) put him in pain and upset him and I ended up wondering if it had been worth it.



Finally on day 6, enough lines were removed that I was able to hold him more easily and was able to nurse him again - which, thank God, he took right back to! This day he experienced a good bit of withdrawal from the pain medications and some awful bloating; it was really pitiful to see him like this and not be able to make things better.

On day 7, he was discharged from the CICU to a regular room in the hospital and the next day, after a "looks great" heart echo, we were sent home.

The next few weeks were difficult as Jack seemed detached, probably from the incredibly jolting experience in an otherwise happy life, and was dealing with physical pain. He had two daily medicines he took for about a month and we couldn't pick him up under his arms for 3 months. He saw his cardiologist a week out and looked so good they said they didn't need to see him for 6 more weeks. At that appointment in May, his heart looked just as healthy as any fully formed heart and we were told we didn't need to come back for 6 MONTHS!

This was huge news bc at that point, Jack himself wasn't even 6 months old. His heart defect and surgery had defined his first 6 months of life and all the sudden we found ourselves in the clear. This end result has only gotten better - the 6 month check-up led to a "we don't need to see you for a year" and that checkup led to "we don't need to see you for TWO YEARS!" (we'll go back right before Jack's 4th birthday). Jack's heart is fully repaired and there is an extremely low likelihood that he would ever have any issues in the future. He can do anything any other child can do and the only lasting reminder of the surgery are the scars on his sweet chest (which, see picture evidence below, have GREATLY diminished with time.)

A little over a week post surgery

1 year post surgery

2 years post-surgery

So it was incredibly refreshing to be able to forget the surgery anniversary after having Jack's heart be the focal point for the first 25% of his life. He is now such a healthy, active, inquisitive, charming little boy that it's easy to forget he ever had any health challenges. WHAT A BLESSING - we are so thankful to God for the medical advances that have given our little boy a normal life in a healthy body!

2 years post surgery

A Good Anniversary to Forget - Part I

(disclaimer: I can't talk about this topic and be brief!!)

Many of you know Jack had open heart surgery when he was a baby. The two year anniversary of his surgery was last weekend, but it passed unnoticed at our house. I realized it a few days later and it's had me doing some reflecting.

We didn't know about Jack's heart defect when he was born. There was nothing abnormal detected in his ultrasounds and when that big 8 lb, 10 oz baby came out, he seemed the picture of health. (I have to say I even wanted to pat myself on the back when he got a 9 and 10 on his Apgar scores at birth, as in I may not have done it at all gracefully, but I did just birth a healthy baby!)

The next morning, the pediatrician visited while I was taking a shower. Jacob said she heard a murmur when listening to his heart, that it was probably nothing serious, but they'd like to do a heart echo (ultrasound) to make sure. I took his recount at face value and we continued to celebrate our healthy baby. But then the doctor came back that afternoon and I could tell from her face when she walked in that we were about to get unsettling news. In a kind twist of fate, her own son had been born with a similar heart defect, so she had a lot of empathy as she told us that Jack had a medium sized hole in between his ventricles (Ventricular Septal Defect). Even with just the initial ultrasound, she warned that while many VSDs close on their own, the placement and size of Jack's made him a likely candidate for needing it closed surgically. I remember looking over at Jack and feeling so sad all of the sudden (such a shift from the emotions of the previous 24 hrs). He was so small and helpless and I felt sad and even guilty that he hadn't been born fully healthy. I also was scared. I knew nothing about heart defects and it just seemed so frightening to think of his little heart not being formed right. How was this going to affect him?

The pediatrician set us up with a cardiologist visit a few days later and had us come into the pediatrician's office weekly for Jack's first month. We quickly became educated and learned that Jack would be closely monitored to see how the VSD affected him as his lungs and heart started to work together in his first weeks of life. They would be most interested in his ability to gain weight - i.e. would the "exercise" of both eating and breathing tire him out?

After a scare at the one week mark (a night in the ER and at the Children's Hospital bc of Jack's really rapid breathing rate), we were thrilled to watch Jack turn into a very chunky baby. After a month of being seen frequently by the pediatrician and the cardiologist, everyone seemed to breathe easier and feel like Jack was doing excellently and not showing any adverse signs of his VSD. As long as he was doing well, the doctors would give his heart time to see if it could heal on its own.

It was this mindset that we went in to a check-up with the cardiologist when Jack was 2.5 months old. We were so in love with this precious child and were starting to feel really good about his health. At his cardiologist visits, he would have a heart echo done, vital signs taken, and then the doctor would review the ultrasound and then come and chat with us. We took this picture while we were waiting.


And then WHAM, when the cardiologist came in, he explained that in Jack's first ultrasound, some slight muscle growth had been noticed in his right ventricle (we knew about this, but the amount of it was not something we were told should be concerning). At this ultrasound, a dramatic growth in the muscle was seen, nearly dividing Jack's right ventricle into two chambers (leaving him with a "double chambered right ventricle".) This muscle was growing because of the inefficient way Jack's heart was pumping bc of his VSD. The cardiologist felt like surgery was necessary and probably needed soon, but he wanted to confer with the surgeons in his practice.

I made it to the car before the tears came. It was news that felt like it came out of nowhere;we had been told all along that Jack's VSD would most likely not close on its own and would need to be closed surgically, but he had just seemed SO healthy and everyone had been so positive in the last month that we were just not expecting to leave that appointment with surgery on the horizon.

A few days later we got confirmation that the cardiology group was in consensus that Jack needed surgery and that it should happen within the next month. The nurse got on the phone with me to schedule the surgery and to walk me through what to expect. I quietly cried through the call as everything she described just seemed so foreign and scary.

It was about 3 weeks between learning about the surgery and the actual day, which allowed us to prepare for the experience, both logistically, spiritually, and mentally. So many families that have to go through scary health experiences don't get that luxury and we realized we were lucky. My parents flew down to take care of us so we could take care of Jack. Jacob's mom made plans to be in town. Jack's surgery was to be at Children's Hospital, only 10 minutes from our house, and they were excellent in providing information in advance.


At times I felt calm and at peace, but a lot of other times I felt incredibly scared. I couldn't imagine handing my child over to a team of people I didn't know and literally trusting them with his life. It hurt me to know that Jack would hurt through this experience. And it was all just so unknown, it was hard to wrap my mind around it.

to be continued...

27 weeks

27 weeks pregnant (3/25/12)

Because what I really want to say is:

This pregnancy is hard! How can it be possible that I was exactly 3 months from my due date this week?! My belly is so big, how can I have 3 more months? My back feels like it is broken. My abdomen is sore and I have shooting pains. It hurts to walk, stand, sit, and lay down in most positions. And I've now been having daily contractions for a month!

I'm actually going to make myself respond to this question: What do I like about being pregnant?

I like feeling baby Cora move even though even after multiple ultrasounds I still have no clue what body parts I'm feeling. I like the anticipation of her arrival and imagining what she'll look like and how it will feel to have a baby again. I like imagining what it will be like when Jack meets her and how their relationship will grow over the years. I like thinking about my maternity leave and the simpler life we'll be able to lead when I won't have as many competing priorities.

In hindsight, Jack's pregnancy was definitely easy compared to this one + I think your subsequent pregnancies will always seem a little harder bc you don't have as much freedom and flexibility to rest and relax when you are tired or not feeling well. I think this week will be easier bc the backache did start to ease today, so here's hoping the next 3 months won't feel like the last 3 days!

Week Twenty-Seven Stats:

Weight Gain: 15 lbs

Baby Size: I got the slightly frightening insight that Cora continues to measure big - (based on her ultrasound she was 2.5 weeks further along than my due date; but she can't actually be, so it means she's just big.) The ultrasound calculated her weight as 2 lbs 13 oz, making her in the 97th percentile of babies at this gestational age. So it looks like she got the Owen height genes like her brother!

Contractions Update: I met with the different fetal medicine specialist and he affirmed what I think is common sense at this point - since it's been 4 weeks and there has been no change in my cervix, I shouldn't be overly concerned about the contractions bc we have clear evidence they aren't actually doing anything (except bothering me!)

My healthy pregnancy intentions for last week (how I did):

1) Do all four of my Bradley exercises at least 2 days. Right now I'm only doing the pelvic tilts. Yes!

2) Cook 4 healthy meals. No, it really was a hard week with a lot of pain, so I just cooked twice early in the week and then we did take out.

3) Attend 1 day of the La Leche League Gold Standard conference here in New Orleans as I pursue accreditation as a LLL leader and prepare to breastfeed another baby. Yes! I'm hoping to actually be accredited by the time Cora is born, so I'm going to try to complete the remaining steps in the next month or so.

My healthy pregnancy intentions for this week:

1) Start reading Natural Childbirth the Bradley Way to get a refresher on what we learned the first go-round

2) Do all 4 Bradley exercises three days this week

3) Get my glucose screening and my shot of Rhogam since I'm RH-negative