I've had several moments this week where I've literally laid my head against a wall (or bathroom stall) and thought "this is the hardest job in the world," meaning motherhood. I like to make sense of things so I've been trying to figure out why it's been so hard lately.
I try to avoid stereotypes and I think "terrible twos" sounds like a not very nice label, but...that could be one answer. I acknowledge that a big move with a massive to-do list could definitely be making Jack resentful. I've even wondered if it's me and now that I'm no longer breastfeeding, (something I was doing until 3 months ago) I'm depleted of oxytocin and prolactin and I'm no longer blessed with a cocktail of relaxing hormones!
I just say this all because I think it will help me to read it in the future to hopefully note that motherhood is a series of stages and phases and that difficult ones pass on to really awesome ones. It was helpful that I wrote back in November how great Jack was being while I was so sick and only wanted to lay on the couch. That affirms for me that this is a recent shift and will hopefully be one we get through quickly.
On the other hand, I think I need to own this a little more and start setting myself up for more success. Meaning I need to stop triple tasking, give him more attention, and get us out of the house more. I have been confronted big time with the fact that I thrive on order and I bullheadedly seek it. I need to chill out and just be okay with disorder.
In Jack's sweeter moments, he's just precious about the baby. He lifts up my shirt and says "Hi baby, how are you?" and then proceeds to tell the baby random things like "I saw Frosty the snowman." He knows the baby "can't talk" back but he does try to "tickle" the baby :)
Week Fifteen Stats:
How I know I'm pregnant: I think the nausea is past! I was hesitant to say so last week, but I've definitely felt a lot better this past week :) Nightly peeing, my back hurts some when I go on long walks
Diet: Eating well-rounded meals now including lentils, cabbage, and kale this week! (not all together)- favorite food is whole wheat bread with melted cheese covered in olive oil and balsamic vinegar and I've been loving the lemonade Jacob made this week
My healthy pregnancy intentions for last week (how I did):
1) Bradley course exercises and Kegels - shooting for at least 3 days this week NOPE
2) Go to my dermatologist to make sure the rash I've been sporting on my belly the last few weeks is nothing to worry about YEP - viral rash, nothing to worry about, but she said it may last a while
3) I feel like maybe I'm getting both me and Jack stressed out by trying to do too much, so I will try not to set too many goals for myself with getting the house together as I will be going back to work this week - NOPE(see above), but the positive is that the house is coming together!
My healthy pregnancy intentions for this week:
1) Visit midwife on Wednesday to hear heartbeat again
2) Deprioritize the house as this week will be busy. Jacob is attending a 7 day intensive start-up week to his MBA and I'm going to a conference for work all day every day. Luckily my mom is arriving today to watch Jack and give him some much needed attention.
3) Start my Bradley exercises for REAL!